12/17/1994
Hi, someone sent me a paper the other day (of which I remember you saying this a couple+ years ago). But there is a line that sort of is unclear to me. Here’s the entire paragraph to put it in its context:
“Be careful who you hug and why you hug them. It’s very important that you judge a spiritual judgment, a righteous judgment, and not after the flesh. Don’t see men after the flesh. If they happen to hang around, that doesn’t make any difference. See no man after the flesh. Even in the church here (or what appears to be the church here), know why you are doing it. When you hug them, you are making a covenant with them. It’s really important that we grab a hold of this thing, because our lives together and God’s ability to bless and change us are very closely tied into the definition of true fellowship, as opposed to ‘hanging around.’”
The line that says, “When you hug them, you are making a covenant with them…” is what throws me off. Where do you get that from, and what do you mean by that? I take what you’re saying here seriously, even that line, but I’m just not sure what you mean when you say, “When you hug them, you are making a covenant with them…”
Good question. Here are some thoughts.
Check out the history of what is called “the handshake” and you will find that its roots are in a covenant-making gesture. We all know that, I think, but haven’t thought of it in exactly those terms. As a bit of evidence, remember the expression “Let’s shake [hands] on it” after a business deal has been struck? A binding agreement, right? A covenant.
A handshake, a European kiss on the cheek, a hug, and others in different cultures…are all expressions of covenant, of yoking with another’s spirit at one level or another…not simple greetings.
Think of what it means to NOT shake hands with someone that offers their hand to you after you’ve been introduced to them in a business setting. If you pull back and do not offer your hand, or do not accept theirs when they offer it—it is considered an ACT OF WAR! Surely the rejection of this simple act could not be such a big deal unless there was something implied in the gesture beyond “howdy”.
How would you feel if you went to hug someone and they wouldn’t look at you and were limp like a fish, or they pushed back away? Is there not a serious feeling of rejection that cannot be ignored? So then, on the flip side, it must be acknowledged that to embrace someone in return is also a statement. And then, to embrace them when it must not be our heart (because of “where they are at” with God) would be HYPOCRISY and would make us traitors to Jesus. Just as a U.S. ambassador to Lebanon must not show affection to, and whisper secret thoughts to, a Lebanese dictator if America is at war with Lebanon (or in strained political association), so also we are not free to express affection and yoke ourselves with others that Jesus is not currently hugging.
There is most definitely deep meaning implied in a hug or refusal to hug, a handshake or refusal of a handshake. It is not dissimilar to 1Cor.5 and the command from God to refuse to eat with someone that is not willing to turn from any particular sin. There is covenant implied even in EATING with someone, as is powerfully obvious when you REFUSE to eat with them. You may not even be aware of the covenant nature built into a handshake until someone refuses your extended hand—but it was there all along, and in every handshake. You just were not considering the spiritual side of things deeply enough to notice, perhaps, until someone refused your handshake. Then you became aware of the power of the handshakes that were accepted. You may not have thought about the depth of the covenant involved in breaking bread with them (eating at McDonalds or anywhere), until they refuse to eat with you, or vice versa. And the power of the covenant of the hug (a HIGHER covenant than the handshake, obviously) is not evident (unless you are prayerful) unless someone will not return your hug. Then the power of what you have done when the hug is accepted is obvious.
We are never free, just for the sake of habit—or social “correctness”, or pressure from the moment, or selfishness (we just want the affection)—we are never free to extend what Jesus cannot extend at that moment because of their state of rebellion or lack of fellowship with Him in the secret place. How can we, if we “Do nothing that we don’t see the Father doing”? Hope this helps to clarify for you a little bit? Good question.
Grace and Peace and Life and Righteousness,—m
P.S. You know in a business situation there is room for some handshakes. I feel certain of it, unless you know them to be dishonest or vulgar, or a sense of spiritual filth pervades their “aura”. In such a case, it may be well to steer around a handshake, in my experience. In most cases, however, the “covenant” involves the business itself and can be made honestly. If that same person would reject the Gospel in your presence or in your knowledge, then that relationship would obviously be soured to the extent that a handshake might become inappropriate.
Personally, I’ve even hugged in certain instances an unbeliever that was “on the Road”—so nothing is impossible. However, if they eventually rejected Jesus, the hugs would become, sadly, impossible.
In the church world (to be distinguished from the unbelieving world referred to above—business relationships, etc.) things are definitely different. The “covenants” we make (handshakes, hugs, smiles, etc.) with one another in greeting and in parting are not about business dealing (one would hope!). Rather, we are building solely on the basis of a shared spiritual existence. See 2Cor.6 for more depth. This “basis of relationship” does change things. A few years ago I would go to great lengths to avoid shaking the hand of a man in a Chicago church building environment. I knew his spiritual life was not what his leadership position would have implied. We had discussed it, and it was not budging. Since the group of believers there was not a true church, it was impossible to do anything about this situation with this gentleman (this inability to do anything about problems is a mark of a group of believers that does not have a “Lampstand”). I could not pretend and be a hypocrite by smiling and making covenant with handshakes or hugs, until it was resolved.
Now, if I did not know the exact same man and was doing business with him—I might well have shaken his hand upon meeting him. It would then have been solely a business “covenant.” If I had later discovered that he claimed to be a Follower of Jesus and was living as he was living, I would then have had to speak with him about it and withdraw these expressions of relationship until the issue was resolved. This is what Paul and the Lord meant by being in the world but not “of” it. This is why the distinction is drawn in 1Cor.5 about those that claim to be brothers being dealt with in an entirely different manner than those that do not.
Pray for Wisdom…His House “is built with Wisdom”! May God grant all of His Chosen the ability to discern with courage, peace, and grace to all.