❗️Now before you say, they simply aren’t interested in you, please read on. I feel like there might be a more nuanced answer.
ℹ️Context: I’ve noticed, that I have to carry conversations a lot. I’m often surprised at how many people don’t ask questions in return. Often not even a simple „how about you?“. At this point, if someone doesn’t ask me something after I did several times in a row, I give up, because I start to feel like an interrogator.
In my „quest“ to understand this kind of behavior, I don’t want to jump to conclusions too quickly and simply say, it’s because they are emotionally unavailable or not interested or simply boring.‼️Although in many cases that is very much true (in which case I immediately move on) I have spoken to enough people, who were the opposite of those things. They were emotionally open and honest, seemed very eager to be friends or romantic partners and revealed super interesting thoughts, when I asked them about certain things. But I had to carry.
—————————————————————————————————————————— ⭕️🔸Now…I’ve heard, that some avoid asking questions, because they feel it’s invasive… —————————————————————————————————————————— How exactly is it invasive though? Obviously you have to test the waters on how open a person is and be tactful, but there are enough things one can ask without having to worry about crossing the line.
—————————————————————————————————————————— ⭕️🔸….and that one should just feel free to state things about themselves. —————————————————————————————————————————— While I agree, that you should feel free, to just share things about yourself, I also think, that it can feel just as invasive, if you have to talk about yourself a lot, without being asked first. It feels like I’m forcing myself onto a person or wasting their time, as I can’t be sure they really want me to talk, if they haven’t asked me.
(Also those same people, who say questions are invasive, don’t share anything about themselves, without being asked lol. Which I can understand, because I myself am similar: a private person, who can only become an open book, if asked. I just think it’s strange, that those are the same people, who say, you should just talk. )
—————————————————————————————————————————— ⭕️🔸Others said, it feels forced or ingenuine. —————————————————————————————————————————— Again, I can see, how only asking questions back and forth might turn into an interview, but obviously you have to keep a balance between questions and storytelling.
Idk…to me asking questions shows genuine interest in getting to know each other. And while I sensed clear interest from people, who weren’t very curious or inquisitive, I still felt like they weren’t really interested in me and my inner world.
—————————————————————————————————————————— ❓What do you think? Am I giving those people too much benefit of the doubt & they’re simply self centered or is this maybe just a different „style“ of getting to know people? Let me know about your perspective and experience on this topic. ——————————————————————————————————————————