This is something that’s been interesting to me for a while. I’m studying Japanese at the moment & the polite speech (敬語) is a very different concept compared to European languages, but European languages are the ones I speak the most so I will talk about them in my post.
My native language is Greek – we have singular you (εσύ, σου, σε…) and plural you (εσείς, σας, εσάς…), and the rule for it I find is pretty typical. Singular you is for friends and family, plural you is when one speaks to an older person, or someone in position of respect, like a professor, a stranger etcetera.
While it is my personal habit to use the plural you with any stranger (unless they are clearly my age or younger, in which case it feels too formal), in Greece it appears that people really want to embrace that friendliness of singular you.
I had a job interview in Greek a few months ago & ended up refusing the job for personal reasons, but it made me uncomfortable that the interviewer used εσύ immediately and even insisted that I do the same to her, a woman near my mother’s age. It doesn’t come naturally to me. The same goes for service people, if I’m at a restaurant or a bar I like to speak more politely but I notice many customers use singular ‘you’ to the service worker as well, and the workers appear to be happy with either case.
I also speak French (in Belgium if it matters), which is identical with the singular you ‘tu’ (ton, tes…) and plural ‘vous’ (votre, vos…) and their usage. But the culture seems to be near the opposite – I’ve even had to tell a person just 1 year younger than me, that he did not need to “vouvoyer” when speaking to me, it is fine. In general French speakers seem a lot more hesitant to use “tu” unless it is strictly a friend, family, or peer. And more likely to take offense if they are subject to being “tutoyer” from someone they do not feel close to, I’m stating this as a neutral observation since at the end of the day, it also depends on the specific individual.
This is all regarding oral speech. In written form, for example when I watch a movie with subtitles: Greek subtitles are liberal with using both forms of “you”, while French subtitles seem to stick to “vous” even in situations where I would personally find it is unnecessary.
There are many more cultures and languages that do the “formal speech”, which is not necessarily a “you” pronoun at all. I am neither a speaker of Italian or Spanish, but these languages come to mind first. As I’m not familiar with them, (especially since Spanish is speaken in a lot of different countries) I was wondering, what are your observations when it comes to this?
Of course, input about this phenomenon in any language, not just the ones I mentioned is appreciated. Thank you!
Edit: For the distinction of formal speech not always being a “plural you”, or a “you” at all! Everyone’s answers in this thread are amazing.