Hello everyone.
You probably get a million posts like this a day. But I am scared and have no one to talk to. My wife (25F) and I(27M) just got married a month ago and bought our first home as well. We picked up the keys at the end of October and the night before we and all her family came to move and deep clean for a weekend we found out she is pregnant.
This was a hard experience as her parents were stressed helping us move, and her being down made them more confused and agitated (mainly her Dad) as they perceived that to mean we were not hauling boxes hard enough or cleaning deep enough, which made them a bit harder on me in the process too. We agreed it was a terrible time to tell them as it hadn’t even been 48 hours for us to process. She did tell her sister, which I encouraged, who was supportive, but that was without me there so I didn’t benefit from any catharsis that would have given (if any).
I am happy but terrified as well. As much as she wants a family, she is scared and sad; she is worried about finances as we just bought a home that needs work, she is worried about her job (teacher) as she just moved to a new job in a different school a few weeks ago and it worried how it will look taking mat leave in 8ish months. I also am training to be a GP (primary care physician) meaning I work in a large geographical area and currently have an hour commute each way, so am not home as often as I could be. She is also saying she thought we would have more time to do things together in our new home and has already started grieving the people we were before.
All of this is incredibly tough for me, I feel sad for her and guilty. She has plenty moments as well of being excited, talking about baby clothes and Summer birthdays etc, but mostly she is struggling and I don’t know how to help. We agreed to tell her parents end of this month. Ideally I wanted to wait longer before telling people, but she wants “a real adult” to tell us it will be ok who isn’t me; she explains this by saying its because I am “in the situation too” but it still hurts and makes me feel like she thinks I am not capable. To make matters worse I tried parking her car for her in our drive last night as the new gate is tight and scuffed her rear bumper, proving I am a useless sod who isn’t capable anyway!
She has been trying her best to reassure me, but has rightfully also said she isn’t in the right headspace to carry this for me right now as she feels physically nauseous and mentally anxious.
I don’t have anyone to rely on nearby and the only friend I would trust with this right now is in New Zealand and we are struggling to time a call.
I have been cleaning the house, doing small DIY where I can, unpacking everything, setting up furniture and rooms, setting up new taxes, doctors office registrations, insurances etc etc trying to do everything I can practically. I still feel like I am failing.
I don’t really know what question I am asking, I think I just needed to put this out somewhere. I would appreciate anyones input into this.
Thanks.