Those of us with bipolar, we want to work. But both mania and depression threaten our employment. We know we are particularly vulnerable to job insecurity.
For every working person with bipolar disorder, job insecurity is a constant concern. The question is, “Will my bipolar symptoms cause me to lose my job.”
My experience is that we want to work. We want independence and the ability to support ourselves and our families. We want the satisfaction that work provides, and we want the respect that comes with having a living wage job.
We are vulnerable though. Even on the best medications, our bipolar disorder brings with it ups and downs. During the ups we take risks that aren’t necessarily good for our employers. We may be flippant and overly confident.
When we are depressed, our energy is sapped from us. Anxiety and the realization that we are not doing our job as well as we should make us feel vulnerable. We try and try to do our best, but at times our illness holds us back. In depression, no amount of cheerleading, self-help books, or inspirational sticky notes on our bathroom mirror can overcome the power of the illness.
Both mania and depression threaten our employment. When this happens we know we are vulnerable to job loss. For too many of us, this vulnerability comes to fruition by being let go, laid off, or downsized. Whatever the terminology, the result is the same.
When this happens we search for work as best we can. However, the impact on our lives of being unemployed creates self-doubt and strains our relationships. Husbands, wives, fathers and mothers, we struggle with the reality of a changing lifestyle.
So much of our self-worth is connected to working and supporting our families and ourselves. For many of us, our depression makes it incredibly challenging to get another job. We can’t project self-confidence.
At interviews we are flat. No matter how good our resume, inside we believe we don’t deserve the job, and if we get the job, we know we can’t perform at the level necessary to be successful. We believe that if we get the job, inevitably we will get let go again.
Too often people we love leave us. Our depression deepens. Our identity as a husband or wife, mother or father is shattered. We are lost and drifting. We lose our home. Friends disappear. We end up alone with our loss and the failure we feel.
How can we avoid this reality? Instead of suffering in silence, we have to talk about it with the people we love and with our therapist or family doctor. Expressing our fears helps us face them. Sharing the burden makes it more bearable.
I have lost many jobs due to my illness for both actions I took while manic and the inaction of depression. With the strength and support of my wife, counseling and medications, we have been able to rebuild our lives.
Today I know I can’t work full time so I work part-time. I know too much stress triggers anxiety and depression so I do low stress work. I have adjusted my lifestyle to this reality. This adjustment was very difficult and it took years to be ok with the changes.
As people with bipolar disorder, we have an inner strength that comes from living with so many challenges. Because of this inner strength we persevere.
Job insecurity is part of our world. It is a burden we carry. But we don’t have to carry this burden alone. Share it here, as a comment for others to read. This will reduce the burden and help people in our bphope community know they are not alone. Share your story and make a difference.