My sister is my half sister. She’s 3 years younger than me and growing up we were pretty tight. We share a dad and have different moms. From the age of 8 I primarily lived with my mom because when I was 7 her mom (married to my dad) went nuts while my dad was in the hospital and refused to allow me to go home to my mom. Mom had the police involved, and ended up petitioning the court. She kept me five weeks before my dad got out and he sent me home. My mom and dad had shared custody up to that point but because of her actions, the court, at my moms insistence, refused to allow shared time again or allow me to be home alone with my dad’s wife. It was one of many times she was overbearing and tried to act like solo mom. When I was young, and my dad wasn’t around, she used to encourage me to call her mom and would correct me when I’d call my mom mom. There were so many things even with every other weekend that happened. My dad stayed because they had three kids together then and he didn’t want to break up another family. But that hurt our relationship for a while too.
My sister got married at 21 to a guy with young kids. And just like her mom she felt entitled to equal everything with her stepkids. She and her husband called her mom in their home, she would force affection from the kids even when they said no. A few times she inserted herself into the moms house to try and “make a cohesive family” to quote her but really she just wanted to feel like she had a say over every element of those kids lives. I tried to warn her once but she shut me down hard.
Now it’s been 5 years and she just had a baby with her husband after 3 years of trying. The kids had a negative reaction to the pregnancy and she assured herself they would come around by the time the baby had come. But they haven’t and they are outright adamant her kid is nothing to them because of how much they despise her.
She then came to me about why they don’t like her and I told her; because she acts just like her mom which is why I don’t have a relationship with her mom beyond civility for the sake of her and our siblings. She was outraged not only that I admitted to disliking her mom but due to the fact I said she was just like her as if being loving and involved is a bad thing. I told her the difference is when you become a stepparent you have to accept that you are not the solo authority or decision maker and if you piss off the other parent by trying to intrude on their time the kids will pick up on it and will see it as you disrespecting their parent. I told her she should evaluate how she has been with those kids and their mom before snapping at me for giving her what she asked for.
But she says I was rude and ungrateful and am giving bad advice.
AITA?