I have found it helpful to read others’ posts about their parents giving lots of extra attention to certain siblings and/or grandkids over others. I am definitely not alone. It’s a real thing.
Over the last year I’ve made progress with overcoming the anger and disappointment and resentment I’ve felt toward my family members. But then today I got off the phone with my stepdad and what he told me dragged me back. I just want to let it go and have a relationship with my parents that does not cause my brain to focus on all the things that will never change.
I’ve been in the acceptance stage. My parents are who they are, not who I wish they were. They are adults who can make their own decisions. Their actions mean that they must want things to be the way they are (even if they complain).
I try to remind myself that I don’t want to live like my siblings who get all the attention anyway. I would rather be where I am in life than be in those sisters’ shoes. I have other siblings who are also pretty much ignored so it’s not personal (I think). I assume that it’s a matter of my parents enjoying being desperately needed by those sisters. The rest of us are fine so no need to call or visit or get to know our kids.
I have given up trying to change things on my end to have the relationship with them that I envisioned. But it still hurts watching them be the grandparents to my nieces and nephews that they didn’t bother trying to be for mine. If I had ever asked for the type of help my sisters get, I would have been told no because I am the oldest. (See resentment creeping back in? Go away resentment!!) But then again I never asked because I am very different from those sisters. Also there is a huge age gap and that might play a part.
I want to stop having strong feelings about this when I hear all the shenanigans my sisters are up to. Help me let those feelings go. I just want to feel neutral about it.