My dad is 72 years old and he is an intelligent and capable person. No one just talking to him would think he had any cognitive issues.
But he keeps leaving the fridge door open. It isn’t that he doesn’t close it all the way. He just leaves it open. Not every time but probably 3-4x a week and it’s been going on for at least 2 years. The fridge will also beep but he has hearing loss he is resistant to acknowledging.
He also has physical health issues in addition to being overweight (knee problems, chronic kidney disease, fluid retention). When he’s just walking around the house or going grocery shopping or cooking he doesn’t need a cane. But after he’s been sitting for a bit at dinner, he needs a cane to help him stand up. And he’s needed it for at least 3 months.
But every night we sit down for dinner he doesn’t remember to bring his cane to use after dinner. So he’ll ask me to get it if I haven’t already done so. And every time he will be very apologetic and say how it’s difficult for him to get up.
And it really annoys me because I feel like he’s trying to elicit sympathy. It doesn’t seem sincere if he’s apologizing for the same thing every day. I know he has trouble getting up, that’s why I got him the cane in the first place. So he doesn’t need to tell me why he can’t get it himself. What bothers me is that he doesn’t think ahead to bring the cane with him from his room to dinner.
I don’t live at home because I am taking care of my dad. I currently live with my dad because I suffer from treatment resistant depression, lack employment history and have been never been unable to support myself financially.
If I were healthy and had my own life, I wouldn’t know about the fridge door and he would be forced to figure out how to get up from sitting.
But since I can’t take care of myself, I have to live with him. And I’m pretty sure he expects me to take care of him in as he ages since my siblings have their own lives. I believe he thinks I owe it to him. And it’s this obligation that really bothers me. When I’ve told him about being suicidal, his response was that I owed it to him not to kill myself because of all the money he’s spent on therapy and treatment etc. He also has a history of looking for mother figures in his 4 ex-wives…I am also adopted so there’s that foundation of being told I should be grateful… Sorry, I’ve diverged from the original topic…
But I would like to know if I need to accept his inability to remember to do things or if he’s just replying on me do stuff he can’t be bothered with because it’s easier.