My boyfriend (23) and I (22f) have been dating for 3 years. We met in college and just recently graduated in June.
He got a degree in engineering. While in school he had a couple internships for various companies and quickly realized that he hated engineering. But he was so close to finishing and didn’t want to have to be in school for 6 years so he just got his degree and tacked on a minor so he could possibly explore that field later.
After graduation we moved states so I could go to med school. We essentially moved from his home (where our alma Mater is) to my home (where my graduate school is). This made the transition for me pretty easy but pretty difficult for him.
He started looking for jobs once we moved and essentially landed his dream job as an engineer for a company that he idolized since being a child. I was worried about him getting a job as an engineer because he already tried it and realized he hated it. But since it was literally his dream he decided to try it out, his mindset was maybe he’ll fall in love with it, or he’ll hate it and finally decide engineering isn’t for him and start a new career path.
He’s been working there 4 months. He absolutely hates it. His anxiety is off the charts. He comes home in tears. His OCD is unmanageable. He has crazy mood swings. He leaves for work in tears. He calls me practically everyday at lunch in tears and panicking. I do my best to talk him down but there’s only so much I can do. I tell him to make an appointment with a therapist but he’s petrified they’re going to “just prescribe pills.” He doesn’t want to be medicated (I have nothing against it and really think it would benefit him but he’s VERY against it). I tell him therapy is much more than that. But He doesn’t think he’s going to be able to open up to a “stranger” (therapist). Or he’s going to over exaggerate things and they’re just going to prescribe pills.
I don’t know what to do anymore. He’s not the same person. I told him to quit the job. But he feels like he’s letting everyone down. I tell him it doesn’t matter what other people think. The job has great pay, and we wouldn’t be able to afford living here if it weren’t for this job. I say we can downsize. He says quitting isn’t an option.
He needs therapy. I cannot be his therapist anymore. It’s affecting our relationship. I’m becoming emotionally exhausted. I have so much work in med school but I’m constantly trying to help him. I’m having a very hard time convincing him to go, or do anything to help himself. I shouldn’t have to beg him to go to therapy. It’s his own mental health. But I understand anxiety and depression and how crippling it is. I can’t just watch as he has panic attacks everyday. Where do I go from here? Continue pushing therapy? Are there other options? Has anyone had a similar situation?
TLDR. boyfriend hates his job and is having severe anxiety & OCD. I’ve essentially been his therapist for the past 4 months. I can’t do it much longer.