For the past 2 years now, I’ve been on and off listening to my local church’s live stream. That changed until I was TRULY saved in January and baptized in March.
This whole time, I would try to get my husband (who says he’s saved) to go to church with me, or listen to said livestreams. He is VERY reluctant to. He will find any excuse he can, like “it’s too early” (we work 2nd, but that’s why I rely on live streams to watch at any time so he can sleep in later), “I just want to lay here and watch YouTube”, etc. I’m currently sitting here with a live stream paused and writing this because my husband just told me no to watching the live stream with me! I couldn’t even focus, I had to come on here and ask for advice.
When I manage to convince him to watch the live streams, at a reasonable time for people who work 2nd shift, which is STILL a very rare occurrence, he’ll either just sit there and look at his phone, go off to the bathroom and sit in there for 20-30 minutes, he’d go smoke a cigarette (he’s recently quit), go make food, etc. He claims he can “multitask” but this is just too hard to believe for me. You shouldn’t be multitasking when you’re listening to a sermon. You should be sitting and listening with no distractions. No phones, no making food, no walking off to get a smoke.
When I managed to convince him to go to church, which I would be extremely happy when he would, everybody else would be standing up and worshipping God while the worship team sang, but he would be hunched over in his chair and would give off the most exaggerated, embarrassing “I’M SO MISERABLE” act I have ever witnessed in a church. Audible sighs, limp body, blank face. I never made it visible, but I would be FURIOUS every time he did it. Don’t go at me for being judgemental, I’m not trying to be. This is not an over-exaggeration, this is word for word exactly how he acts in church. I make sure to not make my anger with him visible, because at the same time, I’m overflowed with joy that he even came. I prayed to God and hoped that over these past 2 years, something in him would change.
But it’s been 2 years. Nothing’s changed. I am so scared that I’m in an unequally yoked marriage. I keep praying. I keep begging God to reveal himself to my husband, if he did or truly did not believe. But I’m at that breaking point. This is so draining on me. I am so, so miserable in this marriage now. PLEASE, what do I do??
Just a reminder to read Hebrews 10:24-25 before you respond. “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”