I started keeping a diary when things really began to fall apart last month and I thought maybe it was the sudden Dr ordered change in his narcotic pain meds/dosages……..however, in retrospect, I believe Jim has been mentally deteriorating for several years, but I was in hopeful denial thinking it was just age-associated forgetfulness, pain, and manic depression symptoms…….Now I’ve come to accept and realize it’s something MUCH more serious. I suspect he has some form of Alzheimer’s, possibly Dementia With Lewy Bodies, since he has or has had every single symptom they list. I have documented many of his “episodes” since then with the most recent and most shocking occurring 8/28 when Jim launched into a barrage of accusations about my ex-husband (divorced in 1996) ( and who is now 75 years old if he is still living) and a boyfriend who I dated for a couple months in 1997 and who DIED in 2002, neither man had ever met Jim, but Jim was livid and certain I had been having sex with both men, and when I quietly denied it and walked past him, he punched me in the face and split my lips. I ran to escape him because the punching appeared to have escalated his temper and now he was shouting he had to KILL me and had grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen. I stupidly locked myself in our bedroom and even though he is crippled, he smashed right through the door knocking it off the hinges and began grabbing at my legs as I tried to leap across him on the bed. I called the cops and explained I believed he was ill and had dementia, but even though they witnessed my bloody split lip AND the actual attack on my phone video, which I had turned on when the false accusations started, the fact that Jim had blood on his arm from breaking through the door and said I caused it and because I am much more ambulatory, made the cops ask me to leave MY home so he could “cool” off.
Yesterday I came home at 7 am after spending the night at a friend’s as the local sheriff had instructed. I walked into my house and Jim was standing slack-jawed in the center of the kitchen staring at the wall. He turned and looked at me but did not speak. I had made an appointment with Jim’s Dr to discuss the recent events. I decided to take Jim if he would go. Although he agreed to go,( on a false pretense) I had to dress him because he just stood there in his underwear. Dr put Jim in an exam room and I took Dr aside to show him my documentation of events. including video. Dr got angry and REFUSED to discuss Jim with me because ” Jim had asked him not to”. I tried to tell him about the attack and he said he didn’t want to hear about my relationship problems and that being Jim’s doctor, he KNOWS Jim does NOT have any dementia……WOW.
Dr went in Jim’s exam room alone shutting the door in my face. I listened as Jim prattled on about football, pain meds, his back surgery and my “emotional problems” Jim told Dr I was “dating several men” and so Dr ordered labs for Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and HIV. Dear God. Dr began to prepare to leave room, not one word about the real issues when I finally strapped on my big girl pants and stormed into the exam room asked Jim his age, the year, the month, the current president and so on, none of which he answered correctly. Dr finally conceded that Jim might have some memory loss, and ordered a referral to neurology which could take weeks to come through. I’m still incredulous and upset that even though I am Jim’s 100% caretaker and he is incapable of performing the smallest function for himself including getting dressed properly or not wetting the bed, the misogynistic Dr thinks I’m the problem.
Going back…..
Thursday, July 14th